Skip to main content

Overthinking. Day 13, 30 day challenge.

 
I can't tell you how many people have told me to stop over thinking things throughout my life, my cousin being the most recent...yes, as of this afternoon.  I have struggled for twelve days with this blog, with 17 more days left after this entry, but part of my struggle has been that one word...over thinking.  Instead of just sitting down and writing whatever the hell comes out of my brain. I have worried about what people might think.  Swearing.  Subject matter (is it important enough) and whatever else might have crossed that path in my mind.
 
That said, I am taking my cousin's advice and no more over thinking.  Whatever comes out of my brain, comes out of my brain.  It's who I am.  For the most part, I am not even close to being controversial, but I can be very very random and for no reason at all.
 
I think part of the over thinking can go back as recent as my blog on Outlander. I was so worried about sounding like an idiot, that I wrote that blog eight times. By the end of the last draft, I still wasn't happy, but honestly I am not even sure why I was worried. It's an Emmy worthy show, with Emmy worth performances and I shared my views on that. One thing I forgot in my task of over thinking...Holy Shit!  The scenery in Scotland is to die for!  I want to go there and just roll down one of those hills, giggling all the way down! I just hope I don't run into any rocks or boulders, that won't just suck...it will hurt.
 
So why did I over think it?  Who knows, it's me. I am five foot five of walking worry.  I need to stop though .  It's time to let go of the "old" and just be who I am.  I mean really, I am a fun person capable of spontaneity, according to my friends, though I do like organization, courtesy of lists I make, because my writers brain sometimes spreads into my life and I end up all over the place.  It's all a part of the fun of being me.
 
"Over thinking causes negative thoughts", isn't that enough to let the bad habit go? I mean really, who wants to live in a cloud of negativity?  How non-productive is that?  Very, because then we just sit around worrying about what's next, instead of experiencing each moment as it comes along.  Life is a journey.  There are ups, downs, plateaus and steep drops, but as long as the ups outnumber all that follow it, you can be sure all is well.  Is it really that hard to think this way. No. 
 
It is time I relinquish control and just see where the wind takes me.  To go with the flow. I mean there is still a lot of life to live and I don't want to be left on the sidelines thinking about my life and where it is going, when I could be living it.
 
Until tomorrow...
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

From a personal journey to...

I have blogged off and on about a personal journey I have been on for about a year or so.  It's nothing earth shattering for anyone but me.  I hate to say it, but I kind of became a cliché.  Indeed, I had become that person who needed to find themselves.  One of my favorite quotes along the way came from Tolkien, "Not all those who wander are lost".  It kind of contradicts my previous statement, well not kind of, it does, because I talk about finding myself, but truly, I knew where I was all the time.  Are you confused yet? Think of it as standing outside of your body inside a hall of mirrors.  Like a carnival there are images of you everywhere, but only one of those images are you.  So you go about seeking the solid figure and along the way you hit dead ends, walls, other mirrors with images of yourself and so on, until you finally stop, breathe and realize if you look at the mirror in front of you, there you are.  You stop trying so hard...
3 comments
Read more

Journey to 40 Day 1.

Well the title is misleading, because my Journey to 40 began on January 10th, but in an attempt to turn my blog into something more than just a random thought or picture, I decided that maybe if I document my day to day trials of weight loss and getting my heart into better shape, it might help me to stay motivated, because this isn't just about being healthy and fit, this is about saving my life. I was born with Tetralogy of Fallot.  It's several things, but most importantly it entails a hole in my heart that in my case was coupled with a crushed valve.  I had a dacron patch placed on my heart's hole (insert pun or joke here) and according to recent tests, the pig valve I thought I had, turned out to be a reconstructed valve.  At least that is what we all have come to believe and I prefer to not be opened up to find out.  That said, my life has always been slightly different than other kids. For what seemed like an eternity, but was only about 8-9 years, I walke...
4 comments
Read more

Coping in the aftermath...mama is gone...

People keep asking me, "how are you?", or they keep saying, "I can't believe how strong you are", or "how well you are holding up", but the truth is, I feel like a mess inside.  I'm no different than anyone else though. I hurt, I feel pain, I cry. I mourn, but I suffered through depression for twenty years, many of them without medication and I learned that by suppressing my feelings, they just fester and burst out like a bottle of Coke that's been shaken and the cap left on.  I'm not strong, I just have a good, tight fitting mask, that comes off every night when I crawl into bed and goes on every morning before I step out of my room. Actually I take that back. I do feel like I have gained a little bit of something I never had before, my Mama's strength and the I'm-not-going-to-take-your-sh*t-attitude.  Yeah, she wasn't big on swearing, hence the *.  I guess it is a little shout out to her, since I am sure that even though I ...
4 comments
Read more