Capricorn Tales

         HOLY CRIPES OF ALL THAT MISERY.  I just re-read my last few posts and frankly I was beginning to depress myself.  Oddly enough, I am writing this on the eve of my mom's 6 month anniversary, yet, despite my tears, I have been adjusting quite well.  Yes, I miss her, every day. It's a pain that won't go away, but I know I will heal over time.  To quote the amazing Lord Byron, "What deep wounds ever closed without a scar?"  How true.  The old adage stands tall though, time does heal wounds and slowly mine are healing.  I won't lie, I know I can't call her, I know she isn't there to ask advice and I know I can't go to her for a hug.  What pains my heart is that I feel like I am on the edge of turning the corner in my life and she won't be there to experience every great moment that is about to happen and yet on the other hand, I feel like she is the one pushing me in those ...

     Dear two thousand and fourteen,      I had hoped that we would be friends, I had hopes that you would see me through to better times in my life, like, perhaps, my finally throwing caution to the wind and submitting one of many books I have written or started, but never finish, because now I realize I have a severe fear of failure.  Yes, yes, I know, I know, many people have that fear of failure.  These are the bits of wisdom I had hoped to gain from you when we met on January 1st.  It was supposed to be twelve months of fun, adventure and the success in knowing I had embarked on one of two life long dreams, instead, you tricked me.  I really just want to say screw you and the grim reaper you rode in on.  You wooed me and you made promises to me that you never intended to keep.  This is why we need to break up and why I will hopefully be seeking comfort in your friend two thousand and fifteen.   ...

People keep asking me, "how are you?", or they keep saying, "I can't believe how strong you are", or "how well you are holding up", but the truth is, I feel like a mess inside.  I'm no different than anyone else though. I hurt, I feel pain, I cry. I mourn, but I suffered through depression for twenty years, many of them without medication and I learned that by suppressing my feelings, they just fester and burst out like a bottle of Coke that's been shaken and the cap left on.  I'm not strong, I just have a good, tight fitting mask, that comes off every night when I crawl into bed and goes on every morning before I step out of my room. Actually I take that back. I do feel like I have gained a little bit of something I never had before, my Mama's strength and the I'm-not-going-to-take-your-sh*t-attitude.  Yeah, she wasn't big on swearing, hence the *.  I guess it is a little shout out to her, since I am sure that even though I ...