While I still work on reminding myself, 'Enough. Enough now', I find myself reflecting back on today and how life changes on the dime. Today, for my cousin Kade's first birthday, we went to De Anza Cove at Mission Bay. Just over a year ago, in the adjoining park, I took my mama there during Mother's day weekend, so she could get out and get some fresh air.
The Pancreatic cancer was already eating her alive, but we didn't know this yet. Mama struggled to make it half way through the walk, as we stopped at each bench so she could rest, but we took the memory of each other in, as if our hearts already knew what our reality would soon be. Today was the first time I have been back in the area and it hit my heart hard, yet I realized that, while it left me a bit somber, I also looked back fondly at the day, remembering this was the last time we would do this, but grateful that we did.
I know I ramble on sometimes (on Twitter and Facebook) about my mom, and sometimes I might advocate crazily for a cure for all cancers, including the one that claimed my mom, but sometimes I throw it all on a Twitter, because 90% of those people don't know me and probably don't read my posts, so I can vent, or be an over sharer, or just ramble, in x amount of characters. Though I do have a tendency to be a bit much on Twitter, it is an odd release for me. I have a bad habit of being closed off and not even sharing with those closest to me (though I am working on that). Anyway, I am off point.
When I ramble on about missing my mama, or about cancer awareness, it's because I hope there will be a day when other's won't have to feel this way. Currently, my other 'sister from another mister', is in year 6 of battling a type of breast cancer that won't go away. She has defied text book odds and she continues to fight. It's why my hair went short. We were going to grow our hair back together, but now she will lose it again and so again, I will make sure we grow our hair back together.
Cancer causes too many memories that end in a fond, but melancholy remembrance and as I remember my mama, that park now a memory in my heart, I think about those who have battled and gone bravely into the next... And I think about those who are fighting and will achieve not only brave status, but will enter the club of survivors...a group of people that can only truly understand what the other has gone through.
I know I strayed and went all over, again, in this blog. Forgive me, but I think these blogs are beginning to become my steps to reaching out and sharing, knowing there are others out there who feel like I do.
Until tomorrow...hold your memories close and make new, happy ones, because life is too short.
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