Capricorn Tales

As the majority of you know, last September 2014 I lost my mom to Pancreatic Cancer.  She passed within 4 months of her diagnosis, because, well, she had been misdiagnosed, but let's be honest, only 6% of those who battle Pancreatic cancer will make it to the 5 year mark and that is the life expectancy.  What I haven't mentioned, is my soul sister that died from Breast Cancer this last June, the cancer had begun to attack her pancreas.  I don't think I need to say anything more about that.  It was still breast cancer, but you can see how testy and moody the pancreas is. After my mama passed, I vowed that I would do what I can to help bring awareness to this terribly underfunded cancer research and, as Pancan.org  says, WAGE HOPE.  Cancer in general is a bitch and it sucks, but everyone deserves a fighting chance and we can only make that happen by bringing awareness to this cause. Tomorrow I will be walking in honor of my mom at the OC...

Today's mantra: I forgive those who have harmed me in my past and peacefully detach from them.   This one speaks for itself.  I have spoken about letting go of things that do not positively serve, you in the past blogs, forgiveness of a person or a situation, can help you do this.  We all have a lot of things that we can forgive to help us move on and I was reminded of that tonight.   I have had to do a lot of forgiving on this journey, from people that hurt me, to myself for not believing more in me, and situations changed my life.  That is right, a situation can be forgiven, because forgiveness isn't just about making someone else feel better, it is about making you feel better.  If someone else is given a reprieve, because you chose to forgive, even better.   Tonight I was reminded of an anger I have carried inside for a long time.  Almost seven years ago, on December 8, 2008, one of my best friends, that was a soul siste...

I am posting a copy of my eulogy per my cousin's request.  The picture of the pink post-it below accompanied by eulogy and has attached to it the last "Selfie" we took as a family at Disneyland.  This would be our last trip there together.    Love strongly. Live with gratitude. Never go to bed angry with anyone.  Remember Love.              ‘Seasons of Love’ is the one song that really helped me through the last few months.   It spoke to me more than other songs usually do.   I have always liked the song, but it wasn’t until my mom was diagnosed with cancer that I truly understood it.   In fact, the day she told me she was stopping all treatment I Just happened to see this quote, “When you’re happy, you enjoy the music.   When you’re sad, you understand the lyrics”.   There are no truer words than those and for me, the song became an unofficial anthe...

People keep asking me, "how are you?", or they keep saying, "I can't believe how strong you are", or "how well you are holding up", but the truth is, I feel like a mess inside.  I'm no different than anyone else though. I hurt, I feel pain, I cry. I mourn, but I suffered through depression for twenty years, many of them without medication and I learned that by suppressing my feelings, they just fester and burst out like a bottle of Coke that's been shaken and the cap left on.  I'm not strong, I just have a good, tight fitting mask, that comes off every night when I crawl into bed and goes on every morning before I step out of my room. Actually I take that back. I do feel like I have gained a little bit of something I never had before, my Mama's strength and the I'm-not-going-to-take-your-sh*t-attitude.  Yeah, she wasn't big on swearing, hence the *.  I guess it is a little shout out to her, since I am sure that even though I ...