From a personal journey to...

I have blogged off and on about a personal journey I have been on for about a year or so.  It's nothing earth shattering for anyone but me.  I hate to say it, but I kind of became a cliché.  Indeed, I had become that person who needed to find themselves.  One of my favorite quotes along the way came from Tolkien, "Not all those who wander are lost".  It kind of contradicts my previous statement, well not kind of, it does, because I talk about finding myself, but truly, I knew where I was all the time.  Are you confused yet?

Think of it as standing outside of your body inside a hall of mirrors.  Like a carnival there are images of you everywhere, but only one of those images are you.  So you go about seeking the solid figure and along the way you hit dead ends, walls, other mirrors with images of yourself and so on, until you finally stop, breathe and realize if you look at the mirror in front of you, there you are.  You stop trying so hard to find the right you and you begin to appreciate the person standing right there, the one who has come to you, so you don't have to wander anymore.  I am sure I may have confused some of you even more, but let me put it this way, when you first walk into the hall of mirrors, the first mirror is you, but you've spent so much time controlling your life and keeping wonderful things out, that you begin to look everywhere for yourself not realizing you have been in the same spot all of this time, just waiting.

That being said, this long journey of pulling weeds and pushing through walls, has been rough, emotional, painful and most importantly, liberating.  I am sharing this part, because I survived myself. It sounds dramatic and let me tell you, the journey was nothing short of it, but I share this, because I was stuck in a rut and I proved that, like many others, I could become un-stuck.  I could look me in the eye and finally respect and love exactly who I am.  The details of how I became so emotionally banged up are no longer an issue, they are no longer important, what is important is that anyone can do this if you are willing to put in the hard work it takes to pull the deep rooted situations to the surface and discard them. 

In December, as I neared the end of my journey, I began to learn to go with the flow and plan a trip to a place I have always wanted to go since I was a child.  At first I thought it was supposed to involve Sis Laura, but then as time progressed on, we both realized this was a personal trip.  I have never travelled alone.  I have never thought myself strong enough to do so.  Everywhere I have gone has been with my parents, cousins, or sisters, so I began to plan my trip for Shellymarie, party of 1.

Now, with my plane ticket purchased, my flat booked for the duration of my stay (I want the cultural immersion experience, not a hotel), all I have to do is pack my bags and on March 9th after work, get on that plane to London, England.


(and maybe come back. haha).

Never be afraid to follow your dreams, because you never know where they will take you.