Adventure... Day 15, 30 day writing challenge

Well, I am half way through and finding it a bit easier to write these posts now that I am not over thinking and worrying about what people will think. I was a little torn between writing about a friend moving away and the beautiful music and scenery on some obscure channel on Uverse that is showing shipwrecks, so I figured what the hell? I'll combine them both...sort of.

A coworker and myself, took a former coworker and (current, Lol) friend out for a going away dinner tonight. Happy hour, good food and good drinks make for merriment and truthfully, a bit of melancholy. It's hard to watch a friend leave, but you always have to keep in the back of your mind that they won't be gone forever. With airplanes, cars, trains, those new fancy luxury buses I keep seeing on the freeway, anywhere is accessible.

She is only moving to Vegas, yes, a state away and four hours up the freeway, but even though I am not a big fan of Las Vegas, I am a big fan of adventure and that is something I do entirely too little of. I am known for my midnight drives around LA when I am restless and can't sleep, but it's the same place and the same drive, so hardly a true adventure anymore. Now...when I park and start wandering, THAT is the adventure.

I envy my friend a little...I mean she is embracing a new future with her daughter and a newish husband, and she's excited about it. I often only wonder what it would be like to live an adventure somewhere new and if given the opportunity, I would jump at it, just like she did. I mean who wouldn't? My parents lived in Germany when my dad was in the Army and though a bit of TMI, yes, I was made in Germany. I often think about branding myself with that, but in German. Don't worry, it's just a thought. I do, however, want to visit Germany and see the city (Mainz) where I was conceived. The UK and Europe...and ALL. OF. THAT. HISTORY. WOW! Old history...hell anywhere overseas would be exciting. The only time I have left this continent was to go in the other direction...Hawaii, to visit family every summer.

No these thoughts aren't new. I have had them for years, problem is I am always standing in my own way. One of these days I am going to kick my ass out of my path and just go with the flow...As I type this, the programming has switched to Castles and Kings. What a view. What history and what beautiful landscapes. It's amazing. Awe inspiring. It's as beautiful as the shipwrecks, though too be honest, I think I would rather wander the halls of a castle, than a shipwreck. I am all for being a water baby, but I am also good at scaring myself. Breathing though an aspirator and freaking out, probably not a good idea. It is called an aspirator right? I am to flippin' tired right now to research that one...so tonight, it is an aspirator...who knows, maybe everyday it is one.

So remember this. If life hands you an adventure, you grab it with both hands and ride that bitch until the next one comes along. Yes, we can create our own adventures and honestly, the ride never really has to end.

Until Tomorrow....

From a personal journey to...

I have blogged off and on about a personal journey I have been on for about a year or so. It's nothing earth shattering for anyone but me. I hate to say it, but I kind of became a cliché. Indeed, I had become that person who needed to find themselves. One of my favorite quotes along the way came from Tolkien, "Not all those who wander are lost". It kind of contradicts my previous statement, well not kind of, it does, because I talk about finding myself, but truly, I knew where I was all the time. Are you confused yet? Think of it as standing outside of your body inside a hall of mirrors. Like a carnival there are images of you everywhere, but only one of those images are you. So you go about seeking the solid figure and along the way you hit dead ends, walls, other mirrors with images of yourself and so on, until you finally stop, breathe and realize if you look at the mirror in front of you, there you are. You stop trying so hard...

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People keep asking me, "how are you?", or they keep saying, "I can't believe how strong you are", or "how well you are holding up", but the truth is, I feel like a mess inside. I'm no different than anyone else though. I hurt, I feel pain, I cry. I mourn, but I suffered through depression for twenty years, many of them without medication and I learned that by suppressing my feelings, they just fester and burst out like a bottle of Coke that's been shaken and the cap left on. I'm not strong, I just have a good, tight fitting mask, that comes off every night when I crawl into bed and goes on every morning before I step out of my room. Actually I take that back. I do feel like I have gained a little bit of something I never had before, my Mama's strength and the I'm-not-going-to-take-your-sh*t-attitude. Yeah, she wasn't big on swearing, hence the *. I guess it is a little shout out to her, since I am sure that even though I ...

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