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2015 so far...

         HOLY CRIPES OF ALL THAT MISERY.  I just re-read my last few posts and frankly I was beginning to depress myself.  Oddly enough, I am writing this on the eve of my mom's 6 month anniversary, yet, despite my tears, I have been adjusting quite well.  Yes, I miss her, every day. It's a pain that won't go away, but I know I will heal over time.  To quote the amazing Lord Byron, "What deep wounds ever closed without a scar?"  How true.  The old adage stands tall though, time does heal wounds and slowly mine are healing.  I won't lie, I know I can't call her, I know she isn't there to ask advice and I know I can't go to her for a hug.  What pains my heart is that I feel like I am on the edge of turning the corner in my life and she won't be there to experience every great moment that is about to happen and yet on the other hand, I feel like she is the one pushing me in those directions, along with some other helping "hands".
       At the beginning of 2015 I posted this, and I quote myself, "This is my Jackie Robinson year (you know, 42).  Never stop believing.  Pay no mind to negative things people might or will say about you behind your back or to your face.  Achieve the goal.  #Team1973 is up to bat and we're all going to rock this year!"  So far it's been a pretty good year for some of my fellow '73 besties and I couldn't be more grateful.  I wrote that the weekend I started my Epic (in my mind) birthday weekend.  By the end of January my cousin was sharing some thoughts with me that about floored me and knocked me out of my shoes.  Thoughts that make this year seem like it will be everything 2014 could have been.
     There's a great quote in "The Dark Knight Rises", "Suffering builds character."  Well granted Bruce Wayne's suffering was losing his billions, mine has been coping with loss and toiling away in a place where I love the people, but spend my lunch time dreaming about being a writer, as I type away on my laptop hunkered down in the conference room spilling my thoughts onto the dimmed screen in front of me.  At what point do you just say 'Do it' and stop being afraid?  So many people believe in me.  It's time I start believing in me.  I know...I know...How many times have I said this?  It feels different now though.  This time I think I am embracing the world in a different way, I am becoming aware of myself. 
        
         Yes, I am a slow learner.  A later bloomer? What can I say...sometimes life happens and you have to take care of things and the people who matter to you, before you can focus on yourself.  It happens, but without regret.  Life begins when it is meant to and perhaps that is because the lessons that need to be learned, are the ones that end up getting you through the rest of your life once you do turn that corner.
         So when did this get all crazy and gloomy again!?  Let's pep this up a bit, it's only March and I am still giving myself those crazy pep talks. HAHA!  Anyway, I know I should finish proofing my book at the moment, but what the heck, I needed to spill my mind into a blog that I think only I read, which is fine, because it is a release.  haha, Les Mis just came on the ITunes shuffle.  Nice.  They're fighting...perhaps a sign?  Yeah, I know I am not fighting for freedom...or maybe in a way I am.  Freedom from myself and the chains I have bound myself in.  Doesn't one sometimes make themselves their own enemy...oh and look, how eclectic I am...Eminem's 'Lose Yourself'.  A song about just going for it.  I'm not a big rap fan, but this song just hits your brain in all the right places.
         At this point I am just rambling, but again I think I am just releasing...like a soul cleansing, spring cleaning.  February was a doozy of a month and even up until today I am still learning more and more about myself. I even love that my cousin and I keep validating each other...what a gift that has been.  I have no complaints about this year though...it has had it's road bumps, but each one has sort of lifted me and helped me learn a new lesson and isn't that what life is about learning new things?  I love to learn new things...my brain is like a sponge thirsting for knowledge and just continually waiting to learn.
      Well...I'm not sure how I am keeping my eyes open...the mild insomniac's brain is actually all over the place and not really making much sense, so I suppose I should get me ready for bed and then go to sleep.  Looking forward to tomorrow...Paleyfest.  That should be fun! Looking forward to that! WOO HOO! :D
Ciao peeps...mmm...now I am craving Italian. Miceli's sounds good right about now. *facepalm*  I really need to not think about food at 11:30 at night. LOL!  Geez...someone is punchy....NIGHT!
See you on the flipside....we've got this. :)
"It's time to start living the life you've imagined."  - Henry James
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