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Words can hurt....Be kind.


Hello, I am back.  I took a wee break simply because the thought well needed a break and I think it ran dry just a bit. I mentioned that I would blog about a daily mantra, but I think I will do that sporadically.  I believe everything happens for a reason and on those days I post a blog that corresponds to my Daily Mantra on Twitter and Instagram (facebook too, for those of us who are friend's), I believe it will be in the divine right time to do so.  So keep a look out for those.  If you want to see the daily mantra...some have been given to me, others just pop into my head, I am on instagram and twitter, @goaliefan1973. 

Moving on to the subject of the day, I had to write this twice, because the first time I sounded like I was scolding people.  Let's see if I can get this right.  As humans, we hurt, we cry, we laugh, we get excited, and many times, someone else is involved in all the cause of these emotions.   The other day, a friend at work came in and she was visibly upset.  While she and her husband were at their son's parent-teacher conference, the teacher basically said to them, some kids are meant to go to college, others are  meant to be plumbers.  Of course, after this was said, the teacher said she was misunderstood, but I am not exactly sure how else one would take those words.

First, that was disrespectful to the parents and the student, plus it was also disrespectful to the plumbers of the world. Technical skills require a lot of schooling, unless you are lucky enough to be trained one on one with a person already in that field.  I love that my plumber, on the rare occasion that he was needed, knew what he was doing, because I sure as hell didn't.  Let's get back to the point though, why would you try to limit a child, who has a little more trouble learning than others?  He's not a bad kid, he works hard, but he has a learning disability that makes some thing's harder to grasp than others.  This doesn't make him stupid, it just means he needs a little more guidance and of course the person telling his parent's this is the one in charge of Academic Support.  Fail.  .

I love teachers, I even know a few, but in my own experience, and I am sure anyone else reading this blog today, we have all had that one teacher that pretended like they cared, but truly, just showed up, mouthed a few words and then left one to their own devices.  Fortunately for me, those were few and far between.

As adults, we are expected to set the prime example for the younger generation.  We are supposed to encourage them to reach for the stars.  How many people know that Albert Einstein had a learning disability?  Yes, that Einstein.  Fortunately, and I am not being biased, my friend is very hands on with her son and his learning.  She doesn't smother him, but she doesn't stifle him either.  It's not coddling a child either. Coddling would be a kid with no disability, but who is lazy being told, oh no worries, do whatever you like, as long as you graduate.  Yet, coddling is still limiting a child's potential.  Some kids need to be pushed harder than others.  I was a decent student in school, but my dad said to me once when I was older, "imagine what kind of grades you would have received if you had actually opened a book."  I was a B average student, I guess he was saying I could have been an A student.  I excelled at creative pursuits, but I lacked confidence in myself and my abilities and that is through no fault of my parents.  Some of us just catch our stride later than we expect to, but again, maybe it is the right time for it to happen.

Long story short, we should all try to mind our words.  I know I have said some pretty hurtful things in my lifetime.  You can apologize and make amends, but those words will always stick in the back of someone's mind, and I know, because I have also been told some very hurt things.

As human beings, let's try to be kind to one another. If you are angry, count to ten, take a deep breath, exhale the anger and search for the right words.  If someone is trying to engage you in a fight, walk away, it's not worth it.  It doesn't make you a coward, in fact, it makes you the bigger person.  Many times people lash out, because they are hurting inside and by engaging, you're doing nothing more than putting a Band-Aid on their wound and don't take their words personally, because again, it is their issue, not yours.

As you all know, I lost two very significant people in the last 13 months to cancer, my mama and my best friend who was like a soul sister to me.  I thought I was handling it better, but I realized I was taking it out on my other best friend that I also call sister.  That wasn't fair to her and it wasn't always big things, it could be a nit picky situation, or a huge blow-up, but she always maintained her composure.  It wasn't until later I realized how much damage I had done to her and her psyche, because I was in pain, after all, she had lost these people too.  I am not proud of these moments and if I could take them back I would.  We're still soul sisters thankfully and I am grateful for her guidance, as she too has lost a parent, well actually both parents and a step-parent, so she knows the pain.

I know this is long winded, but now you know one of the reasons I embarked on this journey.  It wasn't to just "find myself", it was to discover the real me and to release the anger and the pain.  It was to become the person who might stumble and say something or make a mistake, but who thinks more now, before reacting. This is an achievable goal, you just have to watch to achieve it and you have to put the work into retraining your brain to function in a less knee-jerking way.  It comes down to two simple words, *Be Kind*.

Until we meet again...say something nice to someone you love or care about and know that when they smile, it is because of you.

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