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Day 16 of the 30 day meditation. First 1/2 recap. Sort of.

Today's meditation is about beating insomnia and is meant for bedtime, so I thought I might take the opportunity to recap the first fifteen days of this challenge.  I'm not going to take us through day by day, instead let's focus on how we feel.  Do you feel like you're making progress? Do you feel different? Has the way you approached each day changed?

I can honestly answer yes to all three of those questions.  Though I had a happy childhood and can't complain, there are events during that time that took place that I can't change, but that had molded me into someone I did not want to be anymore, negative and self-loathing.   There have been times that I felt like a feral animal, scared and feeling trapped and then verbally came out lashing.  It has been quite some time since I have been this way, though "ugly" me slips out for an appearance from time to time, but it is fewer and far between. 

I had been attempting meditation for some time before finding this challenge, but now I feel I am truly on the right path.  I am taking my own journey and discovering my own truths, so that I can feel content in who I am, and be who I am without any excuses.  Yes, I, Shellymarie, can be goofy and silly.  I sometimes hide it behind a "#punchy" hashtag, but truth is, I like to laugh. It's freeing and if I can make someone else laugh in the meantime, well, even better.  Without these meditations, being this open about who I am would have been harder. 

I had often worried what other's might think of me, especially people that don't know me, but here it is, like me or don't, it doesn't matter.  I am guessing that my review rating amongst The people who know me is pretty high, since they remain around me and myself around them.  They make me smile and they keep life interesting and I can't wait to meet more people and create more experiences. 

Can meditation change your life? I don't know, only you can answer that, but it has changed my life. I am balancing myself and opening up about my experiences, as well as healing parts of me that make me that much more confident and helps me feel like I belong in this world.  It sounds dramatic, but I know I am not the only person who feels this way.  I never fit in growing up, but now I feel if I just allow myself to be me, it will all work out. 

We can't change past experiences, we can't change hurtful, spiteful or negative people, but we can change how we react to them.  Someone once told me, "Go in love".  This isn't the easiest thing to do, but I am trying.  I am learning to live in the moment. I am learning to go with the flow. I am learning to heal my heart, not just to be ready for Mr. Right, but more so, because it helps me to respect myself, which helps me to respect those around me and that is a beautiful feeling and worth every meditation so far. 

Until tomorrow...see yourself as the light at the end of the tunnel.

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