The song to start the year

Though I probably should have written this blog post yesterday, I decided to be a lazy bum all day, only leaving my house to go have dinner with my sister. I know, I know, you probably think I was nursing a hangover, but on the contrary the only hangover I was nursing, was the one caused by 2015. No, I am not angry at 2015. I did not carry over the animosity of 2014 starting off so great and ending with a life changing event that left a piece of my heart forever missing.

What I was recovering from was this 'spiritual journey' of sorts that left me, happy, sad, angry, mad, laughing, crying, weeding out horrible events in my life that date back years and most importantly, teaching me let go of what I can't change, as well as teaching me to discover myself, my true nature and the person I was born to be. If I was a betting woman, I would say my mama was guiding me through the last year, and then Sissy too when she left this earth.

That being said, I had a lot of learning to do last year, to the point that I was still growing as the last few days of 2015 floated by. When the clock struck midnight I decided this year would be the year I let go of control, and let life take control and steer this ship in the direction it knows best for me to travel. I decided to worry less, stick with my meditation and not look back. I decided to stop self-sabotaging my life, and believe that I deserve to be happy and allowed good times and good things. I decided to learn to truly, 'go with the flow'.

After leaving my friends' house, not long after midnight, I plugged in my phone, opened my itunes and hit shuffle. The first song to come up? 'Season's of Love' from 'Rent'. This is the song I based my mom's reception eulogy on, and I know it was a sign from her to truly stick to the decisions I had made. Stop worrying, start living, never look back. 525,600 minutes are in one year. By the time the song began to play, I had 525,583 minutes left and not a moment to lose.

Of course I was a lump on a log the first day, but today, as I write this, I am taking a break from writing a book so far from the genre I am used to writing in, that I truly think I can say I am stepping out of my comfort zone.

I am sure the song has a variety of meanings for people, but what I took away from it was this, plan your journey's, live your life, see the worth in other people's lives, whether you like them or not and believe the human spirit can achieve and attain anything it believes it can. Happiness is not a destination, it is a journey. My mom's and Sissy's passing derailed my train, but it was in their losses that I realized I have never allowed myself to be truly happy and it is with their strength that I will truly live my passions and honor their legacy.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a sad person, but what I mean is that I have not allowed myself to truly believe in my dreams. Now I do. I chose not to reattach my train to the tracks that go north and south, east and west. Instead I am traveling my road of happiness without being confined to one path and this year I am letting those minutes that are ticking down to zero and 2017, lead me in the direction my heart tells it to lead me.

Trust and believe in your dreams. Plan your journey's, live your passions and as I have come to learn in the last forty-eight hours, stop worrying, start living and never look back. As my mom would say to me, for those stuck in the past, like I have been, "Don't look back, you're not going that way." Inspiring words from an amazing woman.

Celebrate the wonderful person that is you.

"How do you measure a year?" - Season of Love

Sissy Jo....

Well, it goes without saying that the days leading up to Comic Con were anything but non-emotional. Is that even a word? Seriously, my mind lately. Sissy Jo, one of the three girls I call my soul sister, passed away on June 29th, her funeral was held two days before we left for Comic Con. Admittedly, this reminded me, as well, of mama being sick last year during Comic Con, so of course our 8th trip to the 'Con', was a little bluer than I think we had hoped, but we did manage to have a good time, because we know that is what Jo would have wanted. As we all know you can't make the pain just disappear, or the sadness that comes with losing someone so important and special to your life. As anyone could tell you, JoAnn was a force to be reckoned with, a little whirlwind of organization, love and smiles. She loved many who were in her path and she taught us lessons of survival, never giving up and fighting the good fight. I me...

From a personal journey to...

I have blogged off and on about a personal journey I have been on for about a year or so. It's nothing earth shattering for anyone but me. I hate to say it, but I kind of became a cliché. Indeed, I had become that person who needed to find themselves. One of my favorite quotes along the way came from Tolkien, "Not all those who wander are lost". It kind of contradicts my previous statement, well not kind of, it does, because I talk about finding myself, but truly, I knew where I was all the time. Are you confused yet? Think of it as standing outside of your body inside a hall of mirrors. Like a carnival there are images of you everywhere, but only one of those images are you. So you go about seeking the solid figure and along the way you hit dead ends, walls, other mirrors with images of yourself and so on, until you finally stop, breathe and realize if you look at the mirror in front of you, there you are. You stop trying so hard...

Day 8 of 30 days of gratitude.

Today I dedicate this blog to Sissy Jo. Today would have been JoJobean's 47th birthday and she lived every moment the best that she could. I am forever grateful that I spent her last night on earth with her. It was like old times when we had a lot of Sissy sleep-over's, watching "ghosty" shows, chatting, being sisters. That night she told me her dreams for me and what she was sure would be my reality for the future. What people didn't see was JoAnn's fight. When it was posted on Facebook that she had passed away, so many of my own family and friend's commented that they didn't even know she was still sick. In fact, she was on her way to do payroll when she collapsed, the afternoon she passed away. She had set-up a makeshift office at home, because her dedication to the work and people she cared about, never stopped. JoAnn was re-diagnosed in December 2008. She had been in remission for almost four years when breast cancer came ba...

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